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February 07 2018

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“Hey lady, what’d that tongue do?”

Suck yo+ur peanut sized brain o+ut.

Divine ladykiller devo+ures men o+n a co+nstant.

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oh my god IT’S TRUE

and responding to someone later in the thread who talks about a post saying we’re elves for dogs:

“I think humans as Wookiees/Yeti/Sasquatch actually makes more sense 

Dogs and cats see us as these huge clumsy lumbering giants, not as supernaturally lithe and graceful”

god I am SO SOLD on this, my tiny graceful cat definitely regards me as a kind of chewbacca figure and is always preemptively getting out of my way or leading me around and I will fiercely protect him as long as he lives

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Various species concepts by Farzad Varahramyan for Munch’s Oddysee

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Tractus homopiscus or commonly called space mermaids (gender neutral) are a highly elusive race found throughout space. Highly diverse the large majority are semi nomadic, living communally within asteroid belts though “Civilized Hives” can be found throughout the galaxy populating small moons and or planets. Highly dangerous,they actively hunt and attack cargo ships.

*Civilized Hive alludes to Any Space Mermaid, regardless of class, who inhabits and directly/indirectly interacts with occupants of planet.
*Non-Civilized Hive: Are Space Mermaids, regardless of class, who do not inhabit a planet or moon
and live nomadically.
*Queen: The sole ruler of space mermaid hive.
*Pure maids: Space Mermaids who are the descendants, offspring and queens of unions with in the race.
*Space Mermaid Hybrids: The descendants, offspring and queens of humans or other sentient races other than their. own.

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I’m not crying, you are 😭❤️❤️






Good people aren’t wealthy.

Let me make this clear here. It’s actually impossible to hoard millions in personal fortune and also live an ethical life.

Some people are taking this as a personal attack against their families, who make something in the six figure range. This post is not about you. In full scale, families like that are not what I’d consider to be “wealthy”.

I’m talking about the multi-millionaire/billionaire CEOs, politicians, and media moguls. This isn’t about your uncle who’s a surgeon and saves people’s lives. Please don’t misinterpret that. They’re not nearly on the same scale of “wealthy”.

But if your uncle is the head of a multinational corporation that utilizes cheap overseas labour and exploits third world countries, fuck that guy actually.

(NB: US-centric economic discussion. Long post. Press J to skip.)

Americans think that the country’s wealth looks like this:

Above is is a rather famous graph that shows where Americans think the money is. Americans think that the distribution of income in America looks like these pretty colors. The very richest people, the top 20% (all the fancy millionaires and Bill Gates and, like…. the richest rich Hollywood celebrities???) are the yellow bar, and Americans assigned them a little more than half the money in the country. Next comes the orange, the Really Rich Folks. Americans think that the Rich Folks (whom we picture as the brilliant cardiac surgeons and brilliant bankers and eccentric uncles with mansions - the Rich Folks you can realistically dream of being), have a good chunk of the wealth in the country; maybe 20%. And they believe the upper middle class (red) has almost as much wealth as the Rich Folks (Those in the red are the ‘rich’ people that we know personally, after all, so that sounds sensible.) The working class and poor folks (dark blue - the bottom 20%) even holds some of the country’s wealth as well. You can see the rationale. There are lots of working class and poor people in the USA, so all of their money put together must add up to something

What if you ask Americans to sketch out the ideal income distribution?

If you ask the Americans where they think the money should be, they say it should be distributed the way it is in the graph above. Look at that nice, fair-looking distribution. This isn’t particularly revolutionary. It wasn’t a poll of leftist Tumblr children. This is a fairly good, balanced study presented by Harvard. The polled Americans say that in an ideal world, there should be more money in the class with the upper-middle-class folks (red) than they think there currently is; there should be more wealth resting with the hardworking folks, the happily-white-collar people, the normal-rich ones. America thinks it’s only fair that we have more wealth resting with those folks, and a little bit less wealth with Mark Zuckerberg (yellow). America believes firmly that the orange (brilliant cardiac surgeons, famous musicians) are okay where they are - that they have a fair amount of the wealth and their portion can stay the same. In their ideal world, Americans also expanded the ordinary middle class (light blue). These normal Americans generally think that this class, which almost all Americans believe that they belong to, should have more wealth. And the working class (people who can’t afford vacations or new cars, and everyone poorer than that) should have more general wealth than they do. That’s only fair, Americans say, as they arrange this ideal distribution of wealth. This would be a satisfactory balance of money.

Here’s the actual distribution of wealth in the United States:

Yeah… yeah.

Here’s all the graphs together:

Yeah. The wealth of the nation disproportionately belongs to the top 20% of rich people. The rest of the middle and lower classes are crushed into less than 20% of the rest of the wealth, savaging each other for crumbs.

So, no, nobody cares about your Rich Uncle Joe. Nobody is particularly thirsting to put Rich Uncle Joe ‘first against the wall when the revolution comes’ if that’s what people are afraid of.

Rich Uncle Joe the surgeon probably makes about $300,000 per year if he’s a decent general surgeon at an ordinary American hospital. Rich Uncle Joe’s decent, hardworking, saves-lives-every-day income is the orange-ish line in the graph below. (These are deeply shitty colors, by the way.) Rich Uncle Joe is definitely richer than a poor person, but his six-figure income isn’t influencing the nation.

Because the runaway red line in this graph is the 1%.

This graph is also showing you time. In 1979, when incomes were more equal, Rich Uncle Joe would have been Handsomely Rich, a man who commanded respect and moderate wealth, a man able to hold up his head in the company of the truly wealthy people in the nation. He might even perceive himself as being in the same social class as the Rich. He might build himself a fine mansion, golf with political influencers, hire a personal secretary, and invite the rich folks over for dinner (fondue, natch, in a wood-panelled den with a Persian rug) and count himself as an equal.

By 2007, the super-rich had separated themselves utterly from Rich Uncle Joe. Their money makes more money than Rich Uncle Joe makes. Rich Uncle Joe might impress a starry-eyed tumblr teen who really needs the $50 that his wife slips into their birthday card (“I have rich people in my family and ACTUALLY they’re lovely!”) but he has been left behind.  Like OP says: Uncle Joe is not located on the same scale. His wealth is a fraction, which the oligarchs don’t stoop to notice. Also note: 2007, where this graph leaves off, was ten years ago. When The Economist published a graph of American wealth inequality in 2017, they had to break it into pieces to look good in the magazine, because they couldn’t show the 1% on the same graph as everyone else and have it look meaningful. Even with Rich Uncle Joe working his little butt off during all the hours God sends him, he can’t raise the average wage of the 99% until you can see it on a nicely formatted graph. He’s in the top 20-40% of wealthy people in the USA but he is closer to us than to them.

And, given that general surgeons work themselves to death and have mounting levels of educational debt, Rich Uncle Joe’s best hope for his earthly reward is to have all of his debts (including his mortgage) paid off and his retirement savings secured before he loses his hands, meaning that he will have to work 60+ hour weeks at antisocial times in order to be able to stop working when he’s 65, with enough money to cover the remaining 20 years of his life, including the expensive eldercare that he and his wife will require. Since one or the other is statistically increasingly likely to come down with a debilitating illness as they age - cancer or dementia or a stroke, and so on - and the costs of healthcare and eldercare are skyrocketing, Uncle Joe will always feel like he has to hustle to ensure comfort and survival in his winter years. Rich Uncle Joe is ‘rich,’ so he’ll want a private room if he has to go into a nursing home for the end of his life; the average cost of an ordinary private room in the USA in 2016 was $253 per day, so if he wants him and his wife to die in comfort, he will think of this increasingly as he gets older; a fact he is never able to forget or set aside, because he works in healthcare and knows what happens… 

And those are the people that Americans assume are comfortable and happy and positively rolling in their well-earned wealth…

Because here’s the thing: Americans, we all think we’re middle class! We think we’re doing okay, and if we work really hard, we’ll probably get rich. Maybe if we win the lottery or publish that fantasy novel, we’ll be super-rich. So we, Americans, we don’t ask too much of the rich. We make things nice for the rich, because we imagine that one day, we will be one of them. AMERICANS DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE RICH ARE. Americans picture ourselves being “rich” and we picture ourselves shopping at the expensive store, going out to eat, living in The Nicest House On the Main Street of Lobster Neck, Massachusetts and going on one (1) vacation to Italy. We say, “Oh, let’s not make things TOO hard for the rich, because that’s what I’m going to be someday.” 

STOP THIS. THAT FANTASY LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL, BUT IT IS THE TINIEST SLICE OF THE HUMBLEST PIE. THE RICH HAVE THE WHOLE BIG PIE, LEAVING THE REST OF US A SCATTERING OF CRUMBS TO FIGHT OVER, AND THAT FANTASY LIFE IS SIMPLY A SLIGHTLY LARGER CRUMB. You are picturing yourself rich, but you are picturing simply an ant on the table, holding up that large crumb, going “ooh, this piece of crust has a tiny dot of cherry filling stuck to it! I’m rich!” and somewhere someone in the distance has an ACTUAL CHERRY and everyone’s like “WOW YEAH one day I’ll win the lottery and get the BIG CHERRY TOO!” but, you know, we aren’t exactly dividing up the pie. The Republican guy who votes to make things nicer for rich people, and votes to make things worse for poor people, genuinely thinks that he’s a middle-class guy with an enviously high standard of living, who is absolutely going to be rich someday. He’s good and moral, he thinks, and he is going to get the big crumb like Uncle Joe.  His whole world is crumbs, in which looms that beautiful mental picture of the slightly bigger crumb. He can’t conceive of the pie. He cannot picture what pie looks like. He thinks pie is what happens when you get, like, three whole cherries together. So he votes, thinking he is supporting the possibility of cherries for Normal Guys Like Him. 

Stop picturing Uncle Joe when you picture “the rich.” The rich we’re talking about wouldn’t even give Uncle Joe a seat at a dinner party.

Anyway, I myself don’t really believe in revolution. and cutesy leftist slogans make me a Tired. But I hate it when people shovel shit and call it sugar. And then get mad when people point out that it’s shit. Like, if you’re doing this, the people you’re stanning for hold you in contempt, if they think of you at all! Have a little gotdamn dignity.

“Wealth is passed down from generation to generation. You can’t get rid of wealth. Rich is some shit you could lose with a crazy summer and a drug habit.” ~ [x] Chris Rock

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I have nothing to do with this mission, but damn do I feel proud. What peculiar beings we, humans, are. Sending into space a doll in a spacesuit, named “Starman”, seated in an electric car, with a sign “Don’t Panic” on the car’s dashboard, blasting David Bowie’s “Life On Mars?”. I’m not crying, you are.

February 05 2018

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“Qimi’s Dark Side Spike”
a Garrisian weapon that belonged to her bastard dad

she’s normally pacifistic by nature but holding her dad’s old spike and remembering the abuse he endured fills her with aggression every time










i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”

Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”


#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek

give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan

“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”

*prolonged silence* “oh my…”

“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”

*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”

Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”

The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.

Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:


I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.

Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.

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idk why i burst out laughing

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gay thoughts

February 04 2018

In 2018 all of our reaction gifs will come from the Bionicle original trilogy movies

Taylor Swift threatens to sue writer over white supremacy critique






just so we’re clear, shes not suing the white supremacists who are calling her an aryan goddess or icon. shes suing someone bringing attention to her passive at best support of white supremacists

UHHHHHHHHHHHHH (repeat repeat repeat)

I saw this comment on facebook:

“You know what I find interesting? A white supremacist wrote a lengthy op ed about Taylor Swift being the “perfect Aryan goddess” who secretly put Nazi symbols in her lyrics and videos and she didn’t go after him. Breitbart spent hours tweeting her song lyrics when Look What You Made Me Do came out, and that’s an alt-right publication famous for its white nationalist followers and has millions of readers…but she didn’t denounce them. No. She goes after a blog that has less than 1000 followers on Twitter. You know how Trump got more upset at that ESPN anchor for calling him a white supremacist than David Duke and Nazis for proclaiming that he’s “one of them”? Yeah. Same thing.“

we have to stop pretending people like her are just “stupid” when they tell us time and time again how they really feel. 

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Facial expressions! 

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“A little heartthrob”  The Canadian Goose and Vermilion Flycatcher


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its ears are in front of its eyes, its brain is in backwards, its supposed to be a shorebird but lives in the woods and its wings whistle when it flies

truly a noble creature

I didn’t know about the thing with the ears or the brain, but apparently it’s true?????????

u bet ur bippy it is

also their beaks have an extra hinge, and they hunt worms via funky pelvic thrusting

woodcocks are the best and studying them in the field is a joy so long as you have a case of beer and a pair of warm socks

Woodcocks are what happens when you go to the “Create A Bird” screen and shove a bunch of the sliders to the very the most extreme positions.

It’s from Australia isn’t it

nah bro this bird bleeds red white and blue, its the american motherfucking woodcock

I got to be the first person to see one in Colorado! (or at least, the first to report it to the Audobon Society.  I knew them from Ohio but didn’t know they were new to the state.)  They sent me a subscription and a nice hoodie.

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logged the fuck in

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